Seriously

I'm not sure what to think. Story of my life: boys. Like no joke. I can give you probably the most drama filled evening.

So I had this boyfriend. Broke up with him recently and I thought we had come to an understanding. I guess I spoke a different language because not but a couple of hours ago, he is talking as if nothing happened. So when I mentioned the idea of going to a party( because I wan't allowed to while dating him), he went ballistic.

I know, high school drama at a college level. I guess this is what happens when you date someone who never completed high school. Not to hate on those who didn't finish because you know, things happen. I'm just saying I don't think this boy has grown up since then(7 years ago). Not to say I'm mature at any level, but if you are older than I am and acting way immature than me....there might be a problem. Oh dear.

ANYWAY, just to finish my story. This said boy who lives 2 hours away, drives down to my college town to drag me away from best friends house to talk in my boring monotone dorm to tell me he loves me. In perspective, losing the best thing you've ever had it is hard to let go. Been down that road before.

Do not get me wrong, I LOVE this boy. At some level being with someone just as childish as you is a happy blissful life, but sadly I want to go somewhere. Anywhere. Preferably getting to be outdoors 24/7 in the middle of some park, rain forest, or underwater. He would much rather live in his city home apartment where he pays minimal rent to live in an open living room with a job he complains about every hour of everyday. And you know what, its fine if he's happy. He can do what he wants, when he wants...if he's single. With me, once I graduate...chunk deuce... real world here I come. If he comes with me, I would be the happiest girl alive....if he doesn't I can't be tied to working a job I don't like, in a dirty city, where I won't be pursuing the one dream  I've been pursuing and struggling to reach for the past four years. And you know what, I wouldn't care if I had to work my hours to bring home the bacon. I wouldn't care if he played video games all day, while I worked all day. I'm simple. I just need some loving and constant adoration. The only complication to all of this apparently is my dream to end up one day in Hawaii basking in its glory of biodiversity, rain forest, and marine life. Sorry, not a dream I want to sacrifice.

So putting this all into place. HIM + ME +his wants+ my needs= absolute disaster.

So, when he came down, without warning to tell me he loves me I was devastated. On one side was my best friend telling me how he's not worth it and the other was my heart beating and dancing knowing that he was here. Sweet notion but only a temporary fix of love. I don't want to drag him along to something he doesn't want, nor will I lower myself to beg him to come with me. Even though his begging for me to reconsider something like a college education to go somewhere on the opposite level was a slight turn off. Probably a no go.

So here I am, getting the cold shoulder from the BF and a warm, I love you speech from the EX and I'm just thrown in the real world/love/reality of things.

So in conclusion. I've done the stupid thing, accepted who he was and got back with him on his stipulation that this break up will be put off until that bridge is reached for me to head off in my direction. What can I say, I'm a stickler for love and I really don't want to let him go as much as he doesn't want to let me go.

Guess in the scheme of things, its a little too early to grow up. I've got a whole 6 months left of living the simple college experience before I'm in the grown up world.

Who wants to grow up so early anyway?